Escaping - Just for a little while

So this year so far has been a tough one. There can be no denying that. I still have my moments when I think I'm going to wake up and find out it's all been some really horrible dream.

When I think that yesterday was 7 months since Dad left us so suddenly, it shakes me to the core. How can life have just kept going on as usual for so long when he's not here any longer? But I have to confess that the good moments are slowly starting to outweigh the bad. And the bad moments are often touched by a kind of happiness.

This last week I've been escaping from everything. Myself and the other half took a camping trip up to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan (which is quite possibly one of the most beautiful places I've been). We found ourselves in a beautiful campground, miles from anything, with no internet and no phones. It was a kind of heaven.

 

But when he disappeared off to get firewood from a little store down the road I had one of the bad moments. Camping was and still is something I associate with Dad. He loved to camp. He was a Scout leader for many years and there were a number of Scout camps he took us kids along on.

 

So sitting there in that stunning campground, with only really the sounds of the wind in the trees and the river running along the back of our site, I couldn't help but think of Dad. I couldn't help but think that I was in a place he would have loved, doing something he would have loved, and I wouldn't get to tell him about it. I wouldn't get to send him pictures of the tent, and tell him how it ended up being way bigger than we expected and how we managed to put it up backwards. I could picture his reaction, he would have laughed and told me some funny story about some scout camp I could barely remember, or given me some tips for 'next time'.

 

But even though I was sad, and I cried a little, sitting there on my own under the trees, listening to the river, I was also smiling. Smiling as I thought about Dad, and his stories and how happy he would have been that I was out there camping at all.

 

It's getting easier to remember the good things, easier to deal with the sad parts. I know that it's never going to be easy, but it's getting better.

 

But this escape was more than just about Dad, and dealing with everything that goes with it. It was also a nice reminder that I can go without internet and phones if I need to. Something I have to admit I was starting to doubt. Neither of our phones work in the U.S.A, and internet was out of the question, so it was just us, no distractions. And it was heavenly.

 

 

 

Now, don't go thinking that I'm about to dump all my modern technology. I can do without it, and enjoyed being without it, for a while, but it also reminded me how much I rely on it. My family is scattered across the globe, as are my friends, and as much as that is by choice, it also means that the internet is the only thing that connects us. Even if it is just a 'like' on a picture on Facebook, it helps me feel as though my sister, my mother and my brother (along with all the rest) are still a little involved in my life, and me in theirs.

 

So have no fear, Facebook, I am not abandoning you just yet.

 

But escaping from technology, from people, from life itself, just for a little while, is probably the best thing I've done all year.

 

I highly recommend it.

My Two Least Favourite Words

One day. (Or it’s variation – Someday.)

Two words that, in my opinion, should never be used together.

Yet, I hear it all the time. ‘One day I’d like to write a book’. ‘One day I’d like to visit Asia’. ‘One day I’d like to quit my job and do something I really love’. ‘One day I’ll tell that person I love them’.

A thousand dreams, a million plans for the future, all prefixed by the words ‘one day’. And I hate it. I hate it with a passion. And so should you.

Why? Because, to my mind, one of two things will happen.

Either, you’ll wake up, some distant version of yourself, and find that ‘one day’ has come and gone. That suddenly you are too old, or too in debt, or too tied down to ever do the things you dreamed of doing. Those old dreams have become submerged in a different life and different dreams. That’s not to say those new dreams are bad, but there will always be that tiny part of you that regrets the things you didn’t do. You will always wonder ‘what if’.

Or, worse, ‘some day’ will never come. The future, the plans, the dreams will disappear in the blink of an eye. You will be gone and the only thing left will be the regrets. There is no knowing how long we have in this world, and today may be the only day we have left. Depressingly sad maybe, but true.

And so the answer is this. Don’t say ‘one day’, say ‘today’. ‘Today I’m going to start writing that book’. ‘Today, I’m going to start saving for Asia’. ‘Today I’m going to look for a new job doing what I love’. ‘Today I’m going to tell him I love him.’

We only get one life. One chance. One opportunity to experience everything this crazy, incredible universe has to offer. (Now I feel like I’m stealing from a rap song). But it’s true. I sometimes think people don’t realise what an incredible blessing they have – just being alive. Life is crazy and wild and never turns out quite how we expect. But we have to take charge, we have to experience everything we can, whilst we still can.

Mark Twain says it better than I can – “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

So my friends and family can take this as a warning. If you say ‘one day’ around me, expect my wrath. It will be terrible. Tell me your dreams and plans and aspirations by all means. But don’t tell me that maybe, perhaps, one day, sometime you might do these things. Tell me you’re striving for them, you’re working towards them. Tell me you’re putting every ounce of passion and intellect and heart you possess into achieving those goals.

Don’t tell me ‘one day’, tell me ‘today’.

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

In ‘Cheers’ it was a good thing. Going to the place where everybody knew your name. Trust me when I tell you that it isn’t always a good thing.

“So you’re ‘So and so’ – I’ve heard all about you.” That was the start of most conversations during my first few weeks on the island. In some ways it’s kind of cool. You feel like a little bit of a celebrity.

You realise pretty quickly though that if you’re the hot topic of gossip on the island there can’t be a whole lot going on. If what I’m doing is the most interesting thing on the island then that’s pretty scary.

But gossip is definitely one of the national pastimes for a lot of people on this tiny island. Unlike a lot of places though it isn’t malicious. It’s mostly just boredom.

Most people here don’t have T.V’s, so instead of watching the soap operas, we watch each other.

Secrets are impossible. If you’re going to start dating someone, you might as well put out a memo.

“Attention all,

Joe Bloggs and I are going on our first date on Friday at 7pm. Don’t forget to bring the popcorn.”

It might sound like I’m bitter. I’m not – honest. I don’t exactly date so I’m more likely to be the one bringing the popcorn! But it does make it hard sometimes to just do the things you want to do. It’s easy to feel judged. It’s easy to feel that if you do something crazy, just once, you’re the talk of the island. What’s the Terry Pratchett line - ‘A lie will race around the world before the truth has got his boots on’ – feels very true here sometimes. At other times it’s like the world’s biggest game of Chinese Whispers. With each telling of the story it gets exaggerated and expanded to the point that it’s barely recognisable as the truth.

Having said all that, the everyone knows your name thing does have its perks. It’s hard to feel lonely on an island when no matter where you go there is always going to be someone you know, someone to talk to. I’ve also never lived anywhere with such a strong sense of community, of togetherness. Just recently we had our Pirate Festival with a big parade of floats. It sometimes seems that there are more people taking part in the parade than watching it – but to me that’s great.  Everyone joins in, everyone gets involved, and the day really is about the community.

So, long story short, some days I wish I could be anonymous – some days I wish there was a crowd to lose myself in, but mostly I love being on an island where everybody knows your name. Because even though I’m single and ‘alone’ – I’m never lonely.